Heaven's Not Enough
by Justasimplekidfrombrooklyn
Summary: An angsty one-shot song fic based on "Heaven's Not Enough" by Steve Conte. It's about Jack and Ianto, Angels and heaven, life and death, and everlasting love. Rated T for safety, because it's Torchwood and implications towards a sexual relationship.


**Heaven's not enough**

**A Torchwood Song fic**

_Heaven's not enough_

_If when you get there..._

_Just another blue_

Ianto Jones' stood on the edge, looking over Cardiff. He wasn't sure why, only that there was something, someone significant to him. Looking down now, he felt…empty? Sad? Lonely?

No.

Angels don't feel emotions.

_And heaven's not enough_

_You think you've found it_

_And it loses you_

Jack stood at the gravestone. There was snow over the graveyard, the only disturbance of the white blanket being his footsteps. He bent down next to the stone headboard and swept the snow off gently.

It read:

_Ianto Jones. Loved by many. A good friend and a beautiful lover. Rest in Peace._

Jack had never been one for words, and thanked Gwen for finding them for him.

He felt tears sting his face, as they rolled down his cheeks and were swept away on biting cold breezes.

_You've thought of all there is_

_But not enough_

_And it loses you in a cloud_

Ianto pondered, sitting on the edge of the cloud. His legs swung back and forth, in a naïve, childlike way. He watched the snow fall from the heavens unto the Earth. He tried to remember, he really did, but it did not come to him, no matter how hard he strained to remember his human memories.

_"There" most everything is nothing'_

_That it seems_

_"Where" you see the things you only wanna see_

Jack trudged back through the graveyard, depressed, cold, and lonely. Lost without Ianto, his guiding light and his inspiration. It was true; he'd lost many people he loved in his past.

Estelle

The true Captain Jack Harkness

John

Gray….

He wondered if there really could be a God, and for a second, lost faith in heaven. He'd died so many times, and seen only darkness, how could such a place exist? A utopia made for the deceased to enjoy an eternal bliss.

But what was eternal bliss without your lover by your side? Surely nothing could add up to such a feeling such as love itself.

_I'd fly away_

_To a higher plane_

_To say words I resist_

_To float away_

_To sigh_

_To breathe.... forget_

_And heaven's not enough_

_If when I'm there I don't remember you_

_And heaven does enough_

_You think you know it_

_And it uses you_

"You cannot remember Ianto."

"But why?"

Ianto looked the angel in the eye. The angel sighed.

"Sometimes, remembering life is too painful. When you came here, you were too unstable for you to remember. We took your memories and preserved them for you, so you could forget your pain and be at peace. But I would not go there and remember, it is too emotional, and it may cause you to…"

Ianto's eyes widened. Angels could not feel emotions, at least not human emotions. To remember would be like suicide. He would become a fallen angel, a soul lost on Earth, left to wander until its job was done.

"I have to remember."

"Even at this cost?"

Ianto thought for a few minutes. Was this thing, this person on Earth really worth the possibility of never being again?

"Even at this cost."

_I saw so many things_

_But like a dream_

_Always losing me in a cloud_

Jack tossed and turned in his sleep, as the memories flashed back in his mind. Images of that day, the day he lost his best friend, his lover. And how it could have been had he not been so…

_Cause I couldn't cry_

_Cause I turned away_

_Couldn't see the score_

_Didn't know the pain_

_Of leaving yesterday really far behind_

He'd been unable to reconcile with Ianto. The Welshman had fled out of the hub, crying, yet Jack had been unable to move himself to tears. He loved Ianto, yes, but he was not ready for … forever. He and Ianto had been together for close enough two years, and had known each other a lot longer. But he need a lot of time before deciding to step into a civil partnership. He was unable to put his past behind him, and it had only been Ianto who'd totally suffered. He sighed and ran after Ianto, closely followed by Tosh and Owen, as he ran onto the invisible lift. The others just managed to get on, worried about their leader and teammate as the lift ascended.

Jack saw his lover run out, running away.

"Ianto!" He called. Ianto stopped and looked back at Jack.

"IANTO!" Jack screamed, running, but it was too late.

Tosh screamed in fear and shock; Owen held her close, shaking violently.

Ianto had never seen the truck coming…

_In another life_

_In another dream_

_By a different name_

_Gave it all away_

_For a memory_

_And a quiet lie_

The memories came back to Ianto. He doubled over, screaming in pain. His body couldn't take the guilt, the anger, the sadness. But something stronger rose above.

Love.

Lust.

Joy.

Happiness.

He steadied his breathing, and his body regained itself. He looked around, and saw the road. He looked over at where the entrance to the hub was, through the lift, and began to walk. At first, it was strange; his legs felt heavy and his body seemed too tired, but he willed himself onwards. There was one more thing he had to do before he had to return to his new life in death.

The words echoed in his mind; _sometimes, remembering life is too painful. When you came here, you were too unstable for you to remember. We took your memories and preserved them for you, so you could forget your pain and be at peace…_

And now he knew why. The proposal, the fight, the running the…

He shook the tears away and continued further, going through the secret entrance in the tourist office where he would work sometimes, and slipped into the hub.

_And I felt the face_

_Of a cold tonight_

_Still don't know the score_

Jack sat on the sofa, in just his underwear and his greatcoat. He was cold but he didn't care. He felt colder inside, remembering Ianto's face as he lay there dying. Jack cursed himself as silent tears rolled down his cheeks.

He should have stopped him.

Told him he did love him.

He should never have faltered.

He curled up on the sofa, crying into his body, sobbing loudly. No one would ever hear him, no one heard him cry. Only Ianto, and now he was dead, gone, never coming back.

"Ianto… why… I… I need you!" He yelled out to the cold silence that gripped the hub.

_But I know the pain_

_Of leaving everything really far behind_

_And if I could cry_

_And if I could live what truth I did then take me there_

Ianto kneeled down next to Jack. He stroked his lover's soft, chocolate brown hair, and caressed his beautiful pale cheek. Ianto knew pain. He understood loss, and hurt, and anguish. He'd remembered so much, and didn't want to forget. He would always be an outcast in his life, taking on the daily toll of depression and guilt in his heart, whilst others were allowed to be fancy free and naïve to their previous humanity.

And he didn't care.

If he could live every day, watching Jack, and seeing his lover it was worth every second.

Even if it meant sadness and never going back until it was time, Ianto no longer cared.

He needed Jack.

Even if he was condemned to live as his shadow for eternity, the whisper in the darkness of the night that soothed the soul and the person you only ever saw out of the corner of your vision.

There but not.

A ghost.

Ianto Jones was ready for eternity.

With Jack

When Jack awoke the next morning, he did not see Ianto sitting next to him, nor did he feel his lovr's hand on his shoulder, squeezing encouragingly for the day ahead.

But what he did see what a silver feather on the floor where Ianto was.

He picked it up and fingered it; it shone in the light and was as soft as down.

An angel feather.

A fallen angel's feather.

Jack smiled, and looked his lover in the eyes, and said to the almost nothingness.

"I love you Ianto Jones. Forever."

_Heaven goodbye_


End file.
